Orphan

I haven’t posted here in forever, but not sure where else to post this and thinking maybe it’s time to start keeping up with my personal blog once again…

I started a reading plan a few days ago, From YouVersion Reading Plan: Fostering Hope, and today’s reading really touched a nerve in me…

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

1 Corinthians 13:1

ORPHAN

'I'm not adoptable,' he stated flatly. 'What?' I was surprised by his comment. 'I'm. Not. Adoptable.' He repeated it more loudly, as if perhaps he thought I was hard of hearing. He was sitting on my exam table, and I had just been looking in his ears and asking him about school and friends and girls. Then the conversation turned to family. His parents had lost their rights years ago. 'I went to this adoption party, and I overheard some people say that I'm not adoptable because I am too old.' At that, tears welled up in his eyes and began to spill down his face. He took a few deep breaths and went on. 'I met some people who wanted to adopt a son. They talked to me for a little while but then moved on to meet other children, and I overheard them saying that I was too old, that no one would want to adopt someone my age.'

His eyes were dry now, but sad. 'All I used to want was to be adopted. I don't understand why no one wants me.' My mind was spinning, quickly assessing my own family situation. Did I want to add a 15 year old boy with 10 years of foster care baggage to the mix? No. I told him that I thought he was perfectly adoptable, and that I was sure someone would come along who wanted him. It sounded lame even to me. 'Do YOU want me? Would YOU ever adopt me?' I was frozen. Of course I wanted him to have a family; I just didn't want the effort of being it. He could sense my struggle, and his face changed again, this time looking reserved and emotionless. 'It's OK,' he said. 'My case worker says I need to spend the next couple of years learning how to take care of myself anyway.' Head down, I left the room and went on to the rest of my day, but I never forgot him. And I didn't sleep for a week. And I felt like a fraud. And I have always wondered if he should have been MY son.

PRAYER FOR OLDER CHILDREN: Today, we are specifically lifting up the older children in custody. Father, life has been hard for these children. Love them as only You can. Place people in their lives who can give them hope for the future, and show them what a future with You can be. Amen.

 

Thankfully I was adopted at a young age and didn’t have to spend those years in foster homes or an agency…Reading this brought tears and pain, knowing that so many children out there aren’t as lucky as I was… I used to work with some of these children while a GAL in NC, thankfully most still were planned for reunification with their families, but some weren’t…

I wish I was in the position to adopt some children that are older and feel they are unwanted, unlovable, undesired and will never have a family to call their own!  I know that’s years away from us being able to do, but I’m praying that I can at least continue my work soon with the children so that I can be there for them and their parents while they go through the system.  Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes what you hear and see can give you nightmares or shatter a part of your soul, but knowing that you are there making a difference in that child’s life makes it all worth it…