Soooo…my Mom has dementia, and lately it’s become more evident that she isn’t doing the greatest. She’s in great physical condition, so that’s helping…it’s her mind that is warring against her and she isn’t taking it very well…
She doesn’t understand why, out of 3 sisters, she’s the one that’s ended up having dementia. It really bothers her…
While I was writing that, my Mom came to me for some help…she has red blotches on her face and she wanted me to help her put make-up on to hide them. She has limited make up, no foundation and I plan to get her some of her own.
This isn’t my Mother…this isn’t the woman that while I was growing up would go off on us for the smallest reason, a spoon left on the counter turning into all the other things she can remember me doing wrong and turning into an hour rant. I’ve realized through her getting this, that she had anxiety issues since I was a child, it just wasn’t addressed or taken care of. I remember as a young teen telling my Father that she needed help, that there was something wrong for her to act the way she did. That her snapping off like she did about the smallest thing…her feeling like everyone was against her and that she wasn’t worth anything and didn’t deserve anything were signs that she needed help. Of course, I was told she’s fine and nothing was done…now with her on anxiety medication she’s so different!!!
My Mom now hugs me…she talks to me…she asks for my help and advice. She HUGS me!!! This to me is so huge because growing up and me leaving the home at 17 and seeing her off and on through the years…not once did I EVER get a hug from my parents. Not once did they ever say they loved me…something that they still haven’t done but I’m thinking at this time my Mom may actually do one day!! Oh, and she’s kissed me on the cheek, as well as my fiancée! This isn’t my Mother!!!
It saddens me, really saddens me, that it took her getting dementia for me to finally have a Mom, not a Mother. Those that don’t understand the difference have never gone through abuse. This woman would never hit me…put me down so bad that I just wanted to crawl into a hole…doesn’t delight in exploiting weaknesses and using them against me, such as crying. This woman is NOT the woman that I grew up with, and I wish, oh I wish, this could have been the Mom I could have had as a child if someone would have gotten her in and gotten her on medication then!!! Oh then, then we would have had a Mom that could deal with the circumstances surrounding her and not fall to pieces and taking that anger at what she was feeling and taking it out on the kids.
If anyone that is reading this has or knows someone that can’t deal with the reality around them, who seems to snap at small events or changes and can’t handle it…if you know anyone like this, PLEASE get them help!!!
I understood years ago that my parents weren’t monsters…that them adopting my brother and I put too much stress on them and they just couldn’t handle the issues that my brother and I had; my brother has a neurological learning disability said to be brought on by him being born addicted to alcohol and drugs as well as being almost starved at the foster home he was put in; I was also born addicted to drugs and alcohol and I had speech issues as well as being a child that always wanted to be hugged or held, which unfortunately my parents just couldn’t do! Neither were huggie people, neither of them were able to show love other then buying items for us (which we had waaaaayyyyy too many toys as kids), neither of them had the ability to show that they cared.
At one point when I was 16ish, things were getting really tense between me and my Mother. We just couldn’t get along! She would say things like “I’ll just throw myself off the roof then…it wouldn’t matter”, and as a teen I didn’t help at all by saying to her “fine, I’ll even help you!” Yeah…not very compassionate and not a good thing to say to someone that just may be contemplating suicide. I didn’t think she was thinking anything like that, but that she used that when she got up because she wanted it to hurt us, she used it as a weapon, not an actual cry out for help. Like calling me a
“son of a *itch”…I told her that I couldn’t be the son of one, that I’m female so it would have to be a daughter of one…and that that statement doesn’t hurt me nor is pointed towards me, because if I was the daughter of one, then she’d be the *itch. Oooohhh, you can imagine how well that would go off lol She did stop calling me that when she realized it didn’t bother me and that I’d turn it around to her every time…
All of that, and soooo much more I’m not putting out there at this time…and it takes her getting Dementia to get on anxiety meds for us to FINALLY have a woman we can call Mom!!!
Mothers day this year…oh how it hurt…I’ve never been able to buy her a Mother’s Day card because they are so mushy and gushy and didn’t apply to her at all unless I was totally lying. I couldn’t buy them!!!! This is one of the main reasons I hate cards! People buy them so often without meaning hardly anything that’s stated on the card because it sounds good and it’s what is available. This year Mother’s Day actually hurt to go through, because here, FINALLY, I can spend time with my Mother who is so different then who I grew up with, and understand that it took her getting dementia to have this!!!! Oh, it’s sooooo wrong!!! Why couldn’t I have had this Mom growing up????
I know the answer…I feel that God ordained this so that I could become who I am so that I can do the job He wants me to do…doesn’t mean I have to like it!!!
So please, anyone that reads this who knows anyone that may snap and wig out on the smallest thing…someone that doesn’t seem to be able to deal with stresses and changes among them…get them HELP!!!! They NEED help!!! don’t wait!!! I truly feel that if she would’ve gotten help years ago she wouldn’t have the dementia issues she has now!!! It’s connected!!!
Soo, this turned into a rant that I totally wasn’t planning on putting out there, but I guess it’s good to get it out and I pray that someone who reads this gets something out of it. If you’ve made it this far, Thank You for doing so!! I pray that you and yours are doing well and that everyone is mentally healthy as well as safe!
~Angel Hugz~
Tracy
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